We all wear our scars. We have all faced difficulties in our lives, have engaged in a battle that is raging inside of us, a battle that no one else knew about. Afraid to tell others of our fight, out of some misplaced sense of shame, or because of the fear of being laughed at. Or simply because we thought – no one cares. There are a lot of people suffering inside that choose to suffer in silence rather than reaching out for help, because of one or all of those reasons. The consequences of that are unhappiness, depression or in the worst cases taking the ultimate action of suicide. When I was in my teens, I faced some of the most difficult years of my life. My life was a constant struggle against suicidal thoughts. Thoughts which I kept to myself for more than 6 years. Living with these thoughts day in and day out poisoned me, affecting and shaping my personality, my view of myself, and of the world around me. I became disconnected from everything and everyone, and it has only been in recent years, that I have been able to open up and talk about these thoughts, these feelings, and the scars they have left behind.
Vulnerability of all the emotions is the one that is most often mistaken for weakness. In reality however the opposite is true; vulnerability is courage in its greatest form. Without a shadow of a doubt allowing yourself to be, and admitting that you are vulnerable is downright scary. When I dared to open my mouth to talk about what I had been holding in me for so long, a strange shame came attached to the words, and a feeling of total and utter fear ran through me. Not just down to the thought of how the person in front of me was going to respond, but also because it was something which had become somewhat of a secret identity of mine for so many years. Unfortunately this will be something that will resonate with many people. It’s uncomfortable to open up about dark, personal subjects not merely because they are personal, but also because we somehow seem to think it’s not normal to have these problems. So what do we do? We keep them to ourselves, keeping them imprisoned inside of us where they crawl around and slowly poison us.
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